Walrus

Hello, I am currently 18 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus.

Hello.

You're like that Orc who thought he was a Khajiit.

GOO GOO GOO JOOB GOO GOO GOO JOOB

>>3
Whom? I only remember a nigger that wanted to be a elf because niggers are stupid as fuck and they are good only for fighting yet magic is better than fighting
http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Redguard

+10 Strength and Endurance
-10 Intelligence, Willpower, and Personality

oooooo

>>5

Oblivion

>>5
Hey, Ra'Gruzgob likes you. Maybe Ra'Gruzgob tells you a little secret.
Got any moon sugar for your pal Ra'Gruzgob?

It's from Morrowind

>>5
If you don't know the difference between whom and who, just use who.

>>8
Whom are you?

>>9
Nobody with who you should be concerned.

Whom wilst checketh mine undeniably doubles?

>>11
Wherefore should I check thine dubs?

>>12
Hereuntilwith and everywhereof, unless duly noted otherwise.

>>13>>12>>11

using DWM-speech
on /lounge/

Nigger, you fucked. If you wondering who I quoting its nobody. Its just a meme.

>>14
Whom exactly dideth I fucketh herewithal?

>>15

moar DWM-speak

GTFO

>>16
Dear sir,
I am writing with regard to your continued slurs and insults on the "/lounge/" subforum, hereafter referred to as "the Lounge". In order to protect my lawful interests, I demand that you immediately:

1. Cease your derogatory and pejorative behavior in the Lounge, including any and all threads and posts therein, until hereuntilwith whereafter noted otherwise.
2. Commit and send to the Lounge your hereafter legally-binding apologies, contritions and/or condolences, and advise me to the full extent of their location on the herewith said forum.
3. Perform the necessary steps to, and ensure the continued repetition of the necessary procedure to which you are hereby consigned everywhereof, namely "hax anus", and enjoy regular and repetitive performance thereof on the Lounge wheretofore.
4. Fuck thyself with a broomstick, ya toilet scrubber.

Once we receive this information, we will be able to determine what, if any, further compensatory and/or remedial steps are necessary. Your urgent response is obligatory. We expect to hear from you within five (5) days of your receipt of this post to acknowledge your compliance with the foregoing.

>>17
Wow that post really made you butthurt. The fact you got so mad from what he said does suggest you're some class of assblasted kike-professor, am I right?

>>18
I'm actually a gender-unsure adolescent jazz fan working at a graveyard in Mahamanistan.

What profiteth contrition when sincerity hath fled?

>>19
Hey, I'm a jazz fan too. Let's masturbate to the tune of It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)

>>19

Google yelds no results for Mahamanistan. Are you, perchance, trolling?

>>19
I'm envious of your VIP QUALITY!

>>21
Hello, 2ch, yesterday I had an epic fail of indescribable scale happen to me.
I was sitting in a cafe with a girl, an amazing girl who looked like Amelie Poulain. We talked about the early Coltrane, about the 80s and about how modern youngsters are way out of check. We enjoyed ourselves, and I was planning to drive her around the night town to the sounds of Bohren und der Club of Gore whilst talking about the buildings built during the 80s, when I suddenly felt the desire to fart. My stomach churned with unhuman pain, I clasped my teeth, and tears streamed out of my eyes. The girl, paying no heed to my tension, went on tweeting about something, but I realized that unless I lax my sphincter right away, I would get fucking torn apart. No sooner did I imagine how my anus would be shattered than I felt a warm wave rush on to it. That was feces. And it was The Downfall.
Imagine the situation: I'm shifting uneasily on the chair, try to stand up a little, and my sphincter traitorously laxes, so I realize that the only thing remaining to do is to thunderously fart with sauce and shit my underwear.
The pressure mounted, I took the girl's hand, looked her in the eyes (she was very surprised but didn't pull the hand away) and said: "I'm sorry. We'll meet somewhere in another life. I'll miss you greatly". Subsequently, I laxed my sphincter and tensed my abdominal muscles.
[the following events transpired within 5 seconds]
At first there was nothing, only a ringing silence. It was my anus ringing. All around me froze in anticipation of my infernal farting.
Then, slowly, the rectal mucus started to pour through my anus, lubricating it and getting it ready for something great.
After that, there was a big bang that lasted for 3 seconds. A small universe made out of my shit was born that moment. The Sun, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Cepheus - all were made out of feces, and all were in my underwear.

When it was all over, I stood up and staggered away with no direction, leaving the girl and the other patrons sitting there with gasping mouths.
In my head, Coltrane played. Giant Steps.

>>22
Even Google doesn't know all countries yet, obviously.

>>23
Jealousy is a bad feeling. You should embettern dein shitposting to become as VIP as me (or more).

>>24

Ah, the innerly ripping tension of a tremendous flatulence much delayed. I have been there myself, friend. I admit my roal.

>>24
The only thing I cared about in that post was John Coltrane.

Why wouldn't the dog stop barking when he spotted the jazz musician?

there was a cat in his house.

>>26>>27
You know posting about jazz here just makes you look like a unhinged sociopath, right?

Because you must be a unhinged sociopath.

TH3 81G 8ANG 0F F3C35 F1LL3D MY UND3R5H0ART5

I am experimenting with a new RedCream style. A new age of RedCream expression. Do you care to critique it, losers? Do you dare?

>>29
Please use the old one. The new one and the one that you use now are horrible.

>>28

What jazz has to do with sociopathy? Everyone here is an unhinged sociopath by default.

Can you suggest a new style, >>30-kun?

I will flutter my eyelashes at you, and there will be a very anime-esque gleam in my oaverly large eyes, if you do this thing foar me.

0AR 3L53 1 MIGHT CH0053 WHAT H0RR1F135 Y0U T0 TH3 C0AR

>>32
Put more roal, no numbers and even more gibberish. Also say whom, thy, thus, etc.

>>29
>>32

Terrible! I won't even optimize my're quotes for you.

>>28
I'm an unhinged sociopath too. Wanna meet up and slap ballsacks?

I'm an unhinged ballsack too. Wanna meet up and slap sociopaths?

>>33-dubs-kun

Put more roal, no numbers and even more gibberish. Also say whom, thy, thus, etc.

Moar roal, CHECK. Noa numbers, CHECK. Moar gibberish... wait, what? o_O

>>37

o_O

Oooh, I like that. I think we've found a new style for you :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths

2013: Takuya Nagaya, 23, from Japan, started to slither on the floor and talk about becoming a snake. His mother took this to mean that he had been possessed by a snake demon and called for her husband, 53-year-old Katsumi Nagaya, who spent the next two days physically beating his son in an attempt to exorcise the demon, ultimately killing Takuya.[103]

>>39
Oh, the enlightened and progressive people of Nippon!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_political_self-immolations

>>40

Progressive is opening your borders and letting the mudslimes in to fuck you in the ass, and when they are finished asking them if you can jack off while they rape your wife. Progressive is priotirtizing who you hire based off of racial quotas. Progressive is dating outside your race. Progressive is feminism and fighting the white male christian hetero cis-patriarcy. Progressive is jews running your government, banks, media, and making sure you all work hard from cradle to grave to support the welfare leeches that voted their puppets in office so they can keep sending those shekels to Israel. Progressive is SWEDEN YES. Progressive is the secret area of VIP quality.

If the price of not having to deal with that is a few too many coreans in the neighborhood and some overworked and angry salaryman beating his son to death because he was a furry and then making up some story about it being because of demons well then NIPPON TAIDAMA!

Seriously though, don't go. It's a terribly depressing place and it sucks if you aren't Japanese and the beer sucks.

>>420
Also hard to find weed there.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiananmen_Square_self-immolation_incident

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaphism

1978: Kurt Gödel, the Austrian/American logician and mathematician, died of starvation when his wife was hospitalized. Gödel suffered from extreme paranoia and refused to eat food prepared by anyone else.

What an incomplete diet.

1983: Truls Hellevik, a diver undergoing decompression aboard the oil rig Byford Dolphin was accidentally exposed to an eight-Atmosphere change in air pressure, leading to instantaneous massive expansion of his internal bodily gasses, causing him to explode into many small parts which rained down upon the rig; official investigation of the incident led to changes in some diving-bell resurfacing procedures.[77][78]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>>47

That is fucking awesome.

1993: Garry Hoy, a 38-year-old lawyer in Toronto, Canada, fell to his death on 9 July 1993, after he threw himself against a window on the 24th floor of the Toronto-Dominion Centre in an attempt to prove to a group of visitors that the glass was "unbreakable," a demonstration he had done many times before. The glass did not break, but popped out of the window frame, causing Hoy to plummet 24 stories to his death.[79][80]

Why is this page so hilarious?

2007: Jennifer Strange, a 28-year-old woman from Sacramento, California, died of water intoxication while trying to win a Nintendo Wii console in a KDND 107.9 "The End" radio station's "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest, which involved drinking increasingly large quantities of water without urinating.[85][86]

>>42
Your poast almost moved me to tears. You've exposed most of the reasons behind the West's decline and decay in just a few well-chosen words. Frankly I didn't think that anyone in the West was intelligent enough to realize that their tolerast, Jewish-banker-owned, hypocritical society is wrong.

2015: Christopher Poole, a 27-year-old vagrant from New York City, died from being given the goatfinger.

>>39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52
wow so edgy
le rotten.com face :D
oh wow gore so edgy nuuuh gonna go listen to some doom metal from scandavania now lol and post on this new site i just found called /b/ and they post .gifts of gore and shit woah lol they called me a " newfag " what does tat mean?

>>53

Sarcasm: The Jew's last ditch attempt to try and shift the narrative when things get uncomfortable.

Suika is the best 2hu and if you think otherwise you are a faggot.

Let's get back on topic and help me become the walrus. Give me your support.

>>55
Nice to know that I am a faggot.

>>56
I support you walrus-kun.

Becoming a walrus is much more than just the operation. Have you thought about what you will do for an income and have you already found a group of walruses that will be willing to take you in and train you? It is my expert advice that you first consider these things before moving over there. Worst case scenario you will be taken advantage of by a group of King Penguins.

>>58
Thank you. With your help I clad some black rubber and waddled my way into town, to fetch my lunch.

>>59

what you will do for an income

The beauty of being a walrus is, that I don't need an income.

have you already found a group of walruses that will be willing to take you in and train you?

I have found a reasonably welcoming herd of walruses on craigslist, they seem really nice. They kept asking for my bank account number though, which is weird.

Worst case scenario you will be taken advantage of by a group of King Penguins.

I'll squash those necrophiliacs with my belly fat.
BLUBBER POWER

>>60
While your blubber is useful for crushing pests, it will also make you delicious. Perhaps you can stay a size or two short of the walri you will be joining so the killer whales prefer them instead of you.

>>61

/lounge/ is a hate free safe place. Take your white cis-het body normative blubber shaming and go back to stormfront you neurotypical.

>>62
This post pissed me off, not because it reminded me of cis-het people, but because it reminded again of its anti movement from /g/ and a few other places. I'm going to leave this site until it blows over. Good bye for a month.

I can not help but conclude that in a general war between Walruses and Cactuses, the Cactuses would win by a large margin due to their ability to deliver 1k needles of penetrating doom.

>>64

large margin

Wide margin*.

1k

One thousand too hard for you?

>>65
I believe he was refering to Cactur in the Final Fantasy series of games which has an attack that is labeled in some translations as "1k Needles".

>>65

being this new

LURK MOAR

>>67

lurk moar

Keep acting like it is 2007 /b/ you stupid nigger. All of your faggot friends have either grown up and became mentally healthy normal people or killed themselves.

Sorry, I played FPS games not your faggot chink shit. And I won't suck your ebuddy's cock you shitsmoosher.

>>68
You're visibly upset.

>>69
You're visibly 69.

>>68
If you're still hanging around reddit I mean progrider then not all of them have, friend.

>>65
Your anus has a wide margin.

>>68
This fag is mad as helllllllllll looooooooooooooooool what a dweeb