The perfect /prog/lang

I'm trying to determine the common traits of /prog/-approved languages:
lets start
1.GC is shit.
Does everyone agree? Are incremental GC's or automatic refcounting also shit?

>>6

Nobody fucking cares about parsing speed

Not every program is a one-page demo. Consider large-scale projects. Take for example Firefox and Chrome.

The perfect language should cater to programmers.

Consider APL readability as extreme "anti-popularity" feature.
The less cryptic languages are clear to maintain and modify. Clever terse one-liners and obfuscated code can't be reused.
Languages grow from these "newfags", just think the first time you approached your favorite language. You have been a "newfag" before the proficiency.
It should be a fast path from newbie to competent programmer.