Community blog - have you had your nice day today?

I went to a bunch of used bookstores today.I like to do this every summer, because college students always their sell off their used textbooks there when the uni one won't buy them, so I can buy them for cheap. Found a few interesting ones, one on topology, one on analysis, even one on stochastic statistical processes and finite element simulation. Paid about $50 in all.

I also saw the physics book I used in college. I paid $350 for the two volumes, but the version in the store had all the volumes and was selling for $20, all because it is, like, two editions old. Fucking Jews, man.

I do the club scene a lot, some say I am a good dancer. I enjoy having a few drinks, usually ale or mead, and I have been known to cause a scene now and then...
Eric paused, breathing heavily. He'd never done this before and he wanted to make sure all of his best qualities were included in this email...
I am a geek, to be frank, and I enjoy hacking UNIX and maintaining Open Source programs such as Felchmale^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HFetchmail and a bevy of FAQs regarding 386 sound internals and role-playing games. I've been doing this for 15 years though I've never held a job in my life.
Eric wondered if this woman he had found on match.com would be impressed with his talents. He decided to put more detail into the message.
I recently drove 24 hours straight, with but two stops for gasoline, from Pennsylvania to Kansas City in an effort to destroy my two arch-nemeses. I would have succeeded except that I blew a head gasket as I was about to shoot one of them from my moving car on Route 69. I am an excellent shot and love guns in general.
ESR pondered for a moment, wringing out his soaked handkerchief, and continued with his typing.
"So what languages do you know? I fancy myself quite an accomplished amateur linguist and know Anglo-Saxon and Old Icelandic inside and out. I often compose little riddles in them for fun and mental exercise. In fact, I'll include one for you now!"
Chewing on his tongue and squinting, Eric pushed his mind into overdrive and produced a beauty of a riddle on the spot:
"Windeth I / Towarde the skye
I haveth an eye / But blinde am I"
Pleased with his linguistic talents, undoubtedly matched by no one, Eric then asked his potential love-conquest:
Can you get the answer to that? In case you can not, the correct answer is "my erect penis." I hope you enjoyed that; I do this sort of thing all the time."
Eric exhaled slowly and rubbed his belly. It was growling and no doubt wanted its nightly bottle of Jägermeister. He decided to finish up the email in anticipation of the coming alcoholic stupor.
Well I don't want to make this email too long -- I have a lot of responsibilities in real life to deal with. My role-playing group is coming over and we are spending the next week holed up in the forest near my home in character playing out a possible scenario from Beowulf. I need to get dressed up and I can not find my bear-claw mittens
Eric wondered how to wrap up the email, something that would hook the lady on him and make her want more...
I hope we can meet and have sex. Despite my cerebral palsy, I am a monster in the sack! Maybe you'll get to see for yourself, LOLOLOL! ;-)

Love,

Eric S. Raymond

Hi! My name is Sakuya and I want to tell you a story!
I joined Alice, Reimu and Marisa on their adventure to Japan! We all wanted to see what a dick looked like because we had never seen one. We heard they were very hard, so we had some pads to protect us.
We all got into a small, poorly made, Japanese vehicle and started to drive downtown. We saw a weird midget and a really big faggot! It almost yelled at us, but Reimu made the car move faster. Whew, that was close! We passed by a bar full of gay men. It was very FABULOUS!
After we made it to Akihabara , Reimu spotted a penis. It was very big and hard, just like our friends said. Good thing we had lots of condoms with us! The penis swarmed right at us and he penetrated our vaginas! I was sure we were done for, but then Marisa said she would go talk to the dick.
"Hi there Mr. Dick. You penetrated our vaginas! Why would you do such a thing?"
The prick didn't want to talk to Marisa. He raped her, and it looked like he was going to cum in her! But never fear, because Alice, Reimu and I went out to save her! We brought some condoms with us. They threw the condoms at the penis, and it started to throb. It let go of Marisa, and we all got back into the car. When I told my friends at Scarlet Devil Mansion what happened, they didn't believe me.
"You're lying, Sakuya! There is no dick big enough to do that! I'll go down and see it for myself!"
But that's ANOTHER story! The end.

I must confess, /lounge/, I've been a very naughty boy. I ought not to, but I do so confess. Sometimes when it's dark in my house, and me mum and dad have gone up for the twilight and been kissed by the sandman's dust, I lock me door with a soft little click, and I crawl into my desk chair, where me laptop lay on the surface. I open it up, and I look at such lewd and naughty things. The other night, I found pictures of patchouli being rather chubbers, with big cheeks and big bulbous breasts. This gave my wee willy quite a stir, and I reached down into my dirty house-trousers and fished out the little bastard, and gave him a squeeze, and he responded nicely. I then found more-pictures of Yukari doing nasty, nasty things those gaps, and Ran and chen doing the sideways shuffle and stop! I couldn't believe me eyes, such naughty, naughty things. I am but a wee boy of 27, far too young for a wizard of my stature to be gleaning such foul, sinful knowledge! But I did~ I pulled my wee willy with most fervent muster when I came across a warm little picture of Flandere pregnant, about to do the naughty again with a big strong man. I shot gobs and gobs of gobstoppers from my winking willy, and then flip-flopped my hand lapped it from my palm like a funny fellow. I felt so dirty.

Do you ever feel dirty, /lounge/? I'm such a bad boy.