How NP-hard can you get‽‽!!?

I'm reading http://www.scottaaronson.com/papers/pnp.pdf and I'm NP-hard right now! My 3-SAT scores are off the chart. I've counted my Hamilton cycles twice in an hour.

Please help, I'm so NP-hard but I need to P!

>>8
Unfortunately it's not metaphor, the whole nature of the P=NP idea is "what if there was an oracle that would tell us the answer in polynomial time so we wouldn't have to look for the answer ourselves".