How NP-hard can you get‽‽!!?

I'm reading http://www.scottaaronson.com/papers/pnp.pdf and I'm NP-hard right now! My 3-SAT scores are off the chart. I've counted my Hamilton cycles twice in an hour.

Please help, I'm so NP-hard but I need to P!

The P=NP debacle shows how even ``research'' literally about oracles and fates can actually receive funding in CS. That's as if physicists came asking for grants to study the demon of Maxwell or if NASA started a "send a spaceship to find God" program.