Name: Anonymous 2016-07-02 2:48
Hi, you may remember me from famous threads such as "Quick, what's the antidote to bleach?!?" and "Why have the police been following me with their lights on for the last few hours?" wherein I show that I am a subhuman retard who cannot function by myself in the real world. However, unlike those, I can promise you that each detail of this story is true.
It all started today, after I was feeling bored and horny and left work early, telling everyone I had a train to catch if I were to get home for the 4th. Truth is that my parents live only a couple hours outside of the city, and trains are for poor people. So anyway, I get back to my Niggertown rent house only to find that the thermostat or some shit is broken and it's as sweltering as my ballsack after fapping to junior idol videos for three hours straight while robotripping. No big deal, right? I'll just get a window AC unit. So I go down to Home Depot and look at their stock, but I'm not about to pay $500 fucking dollars for something I'll only need for a few days. I was imagining them more like... $100.
Now this is when a horrible idea starts forming in my head. I decide that I'm going to create an air conditioner myself. I am an engineer, you know. It says so on my resume. I don't have a clue where to get liquid nitrogen, but I do know that dry ice is 200K. I could pass a fan over it and it would cool the air. As a coolant fluid that would get really chilly and increase the surface area the fan was blowing across, my first thought was ammonia, which has a lower freezing point, but I didn't really want the place smelling like ammonia, so I went with isopropanol instead. (That's unimportant to the story other than to show off what a bad ass engineer I am). Anyway, I get 4.54kg of dry ice and about six bottles of rubbing alcohol and head home, convinced I'm now on a terrorist watch list.
Things really seemed more professional in my head. As it turned out, all I managed to engineer was smashing the ice up with a hammer, pouring it in a pan, and pouring in the alcohol. I have to say that the alcohol handled it much more maturely than the water did. It produced very little visible fumes at least. I was disappointed that the alcohol didn't seem to be getting that cold. Never the less, it's as sultry as my ballsack after being in a really hot and humid place, and I've got nothing to lose, so I stick it under the fan and go start heating up the spaghetti that I had made at 4AM this morning. Eventually I have to sit down, because I'm just feeling shitty. I was getting slightly nauseous and tired. I wasn't really concerned, since this usually happens because of my garbage diet, poor sleep habits, and abstinence of exercise, smoking, drugs, ect... pretty much anything that will lead to an early grave, except... except risky sex... or course. Anyway, I sit down and feel like I just exhausted myself. I was taking deep breathes through my mouth and felt like I was desperate to breath. I was starting to wonder if I was having a heart attack or something when I realized that there was ten pounds of solid carbon dioxide evaporating right there on the counter. I immediately felt retarded -- so retarded that I considered leaving it there for a few milliseconds. Instead though, I scrap up the last bits of energy I have and slowly walk over to grab it, then toss the contents of the bowl out onto the lawn that I never have and never will even make the pretense of maintaining. The hot air, though ballsack hot, was as welcome on my face as a poz load and I felt like I was coming up from a dive.
And that's the story of how I almost gassed myself to death, /lounge/. Please don't make the same mistakes I did and do retarded things, or you may end up dead.
It all started today, after I was feeling bored and horny and left work early, telling everyone I had a train to catch if I were to get home for the 4th. Truth is that my parents live only a couple hours outside of the city, and trains are for poor people. So anyway, I get back to my Niggertown rent house only to find that the thermostat or some shit is broken and it's as sweltering as my ballsack after fapping to junior idol videos for three hours straight while robotripping. No big deal, right? I'll just get a window AC unit. So I go down to Home Depot and look at their stock, but I'm not about to pay $500 fucking dollars for something I'll only need for a few days. I was imagining them more like... $100.
Now this is when a horrible idea starts forming in my head. I decide that I'm going to create an air conditioner myself. I am an engineer, you know. It says so on my resume. I don't have a clue where to get liquid nitrogen, but I do know that dry ice is 200K. I could pass a fan over it and it would cool the air. As a coolant fluid that would get really chilly and increase the surface area the fan was blowing across, my first thought was ammonia, which has a lower freezing point, but I didn't really want the place smelling like ammonia, so I went with isopropanol instead. (That's unimportant to the story other than to show off what a bad ass engineer I am). Anyway, I get 4.54kg of dry ice and about six bottles of rubbing alcohol and head home, convinced I'm now on a terrorist watch list.
Things really seemed more professional in my head. As it turned out, all I managed to engineer was smashing the ice up with a hammer, pouring it in a pan, and pouring in the alcohol. I have to say that the alcohol handled it much more maturely than the water did. It produced very little visible fumes at least. I was disappointed that the alcohol didn't seem to be getting that cold. Never the less, it's as sultry as my ballsack after being in a really hot and humid place, and I've got nothing to lose, so I stick it under the fan and go start heating up the spaghetti that I had made at 4AM this morning. Eventually I have to sit down, because I'm just feeling shitty. I was getting slightly nauseous and tired. I wasn't really concerned, since this usually happens because of my garbage diet, poor sleep habits, and abstinence of exercise, smoking, drugs, ect... pretty much anything that will lead to an early grave, except... except risky sex... or course. Anyway, I sit down and feel like I just exhausted myself. I was taking deep breathes through my mouth and felt like I was desperate to breath. I was starting to wonder if I was having a heart attack or something when I realized that there was ten pounds of solid carbon dioxide evaporating right there on the counter. I immediately felt retarded -- so retarded that I considered leaving it there for a few milliseconds. Instead though, I scrap up the last bits of energy I have and slowly walk over to grab it, then toss the contents of the bowl out onto the lawn that I never have and never will even make the pretense of maintaining. The hot air, though ballsack hot, was as welcome on my face as a poz load and I felt like I was coming up from a dive.
And that's the story of how I almost gassed myself to death, /lounge/. Please don't make the same mistakes I did and do retarded things, or you may end up dead.
