im fine

get it in my head to put on makeup to see what I would look like
go out and buy £30 of whatever I can find at Primark in town
decide to go all the way and buy a cache of women's clothing
ignoring stares to the best of my ability as I buy the stuff
get back to flat
hands shaking
figure out how to work the bra straps
AA-cup bra barely fits
try to put on knickers
flaccid dick too big to comfortably fit into knickers, stuff it up the side
put on modest knee-length skirt
pull tank top on
it doesn't feel erotic, just right
feel little tears for some reason
clumsily apply makeup after tears stop
go through a lot of toilet paper trying to put on mascara
finally done
go to floor-to-ceiling mirror in bedroom
eyes immediately jump to my broad shoulders, defined adam's apple, jutting chin, and my thick, manly jaw
start crying and fall to the floor as I realise I will never be a pretty girl or even a passable trap, just an ugly drag queen
pull off clothes after shuddering sobs lessen
mascara's run all down my cheeks and left spots on the carpet
lie in the shower and rub at my face until the rest comes off
throw clothes, makeup, and receipts in the bin
old woman next door knocks on my door and asks if I'm OK because of how loudly and long I've been crying
tell her I'm fine between sobs, just having a bad day