Name: Anonymous 2016-11-15 7:06
I have the flu. I have some responsibilities, so I still go into work. Gotta fix those bugs and complete those features. I'm middle-aged in my mid 30s, never married, no children.
Now, you know, a man who goes too long without getting married or maintaining a relationship becomes irreversibly damaged. You know what I mean. You live in a bare apartment without any furniture except for your computer desk, chair and perhaps a mattress or bed in the corner. Most of your stuff is still in the moving boxes from when you last moved in 14 months ago. Why waste the effort to unpack it? All of your dishes sit unclean in the sink. Your fridge is empty except for a spare slice of leftover pizza from the previous night and the bottle of whiskey in the freezer. No television, because that shit is for normies. No pictures on the wall. No plants. No pets except for that one one spider you leave be in her cobweb in the bathroom. That 8 month hiki stretch where you never left your apartment out of paranoia/PTSD a few years back while in between jobs, which left you a wreck and unable to carry a proper conversation or speak coherently.
Well, one thing I do have now is an exercise bike which I ride every day to keep from becoming a fat ass, finally got rid of my baby face, guess I did at least one thing right.
So, I'm feeling miserable, right? Taking the train home from work, and what do I see? A cute woman maybe in her late 20s, has a traditional look about her, no tattoos or piercings like the rest of the degenerate whores in the city. Wears her hair long. She's not even wasting her time looking at the phone. Instead, she's glancing at me. Like she wants me to talk to her, you know? Guess I've got that down-trodden look about me, like a city cop who's seen too much of the dark side of life, a dangerous aura that I exude. A bit of that spark where you're ready to kill anyone who fucks with you. When you walk in a crowd, everyone else gets out of your way, even the drug dealers. She was probably attracted to that.
But, I'm just so fucked up, man. All of these years of personal neglect. Of failure and being ignored. Of sitting in front of my computer. And it's all amounted to this. This failed moment of opportunity, like everything else. I let it slip from grasp. I look away from her in shame, and soon depart from the train at my stop, never to see her again.
And now, I'm home again, with the flu, and no one to take care of me. Like that last time I got the flu. And the knowledge that you'll be in the same place in life 10 or 20 years from now.
Now, you know, a man who goes too long without getting married or maintaining a relationship becomes irreversibly damaged. You know what I mean. You live in a bare apartment without any furniture except for your computer desk, chair and perhaps a mattress or bed in the corner. Most of your stuff is still in the moving boxes from when you last moved in 14 months ago. Why waste the effort to unpack it? All of your dishes sit unclean in the sink. Your fridge is empty except for a spare slice of leftover pizza from the previous night and the bottle of whiskey in the freezer. No television, because that shit is for normies. No pictures on the wall. No plants. No pets except for that one one spider you leave be in her cobweb in the bathroom. That 8 month hiki stretch where you never left your apartment out of paranoia/PTSD a few years back while in between jobs, which left you a wreck and unable to carry a proper conversation or speak coherently.
Well, one thing I do have now is an exercise bike which I ride every day to keep from becoming a fat ass, finally got rid of my baby face, guess I did at least one thing right.
So, I'm feeling miserable, right? Taking the train home from work, and what do I see? A cute woman maybe in her late 20s, has a traditional look about her, no tattoos or piercings like the rest of the degenerate whores in the city. Wears her hair long. She's not even wasting her time looking at the phone. Instead, she's glancing at me. Like she wants me to talk to her, you know? Guess I've got that down-trodden look about me, like a city cop who's seen too much of the dark side of life, a dangerous aura that I exude. A bit of that spark where you're ready to kill anyone who fucks with you. When you walk in a crowd, everyone else gets out of your way, even the drug dealers. She was probably attracted to that.
But, I'm just so fucked up, man. All of these years of personal neglect. Of failure and being ignored. Of sitting in front of my computer. And it's all amounted to this. This failed moment of opportunity, like everything else. I let it slip from grasp. I look away from her in shame, and soon depart from the train at my stop, never to see her again.
And now, I'm home again, with the flu, and no one to take care of me. Like that last time I got the flu. And the knowledge that you'll be in the same place in life 10 or 20 years from now.