Imaginary Conspiracy Challenge

Propose a conspiracy so outlandish it couldn't exist.
e.g. Aliens Spike Water Supply with Coffee.
I will then propose arguments and evidence towards this theory.
e.g. Something strange that we don't know the exact chemicals added to tap water -> there is evidence some of these chemicals are stimulants[1] to keep workforce alert but brain-dead, like worker bees for the elite -> aliens[2] secretly control Earth governments and keep politics as PR stunt.-> some of these aliens are using caffeine in selected areas to promote enhanced alertness [3]

[1] https://www.chemistryworld.com/news/prozac-and-methamphetamine-likely-responsible-for-toxins-in-tap-water/4011268.article

[2] https://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelpeck/2014/01/13/iran-says-tall-white-space-aliens-control-america/
https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/10/how-spot-reptilians-runing-us-government/354496/

[3] Caffeine is actually detectable in tap water
https://www.ewg.org/tapwater/contaminant.php?contamcode=E184

There's hundreds of aromatic compounds in coffee, you're are only proving the existence of caffeine. Try harder.

>>2
[4] Aliens direct their shills to discredit the "Coffee spike" theory, using advanced CIA mind-control satellites powered by coffee-addicted hamsters to transmit instructions.

>>3
Said hamsters were raised in Illuminati compounds and have been implanted with microchips to ensure loyalty, reinforced by caffeine injections.

The only man that could stop Illuminati hamsters, Adolf Sadkov, was captured in Ukraine and placed in an asylum(disguised as Ukraine).

I actually do think that large companies like GE and Bayer and the people that control them know that the chemicals they make products out of are slowly doing damage to humans that can no be undone. this is why I think most underdeveloped places in the world dont have a dropping sperm count given the type of food they eat and the shit they use to keep clean and the air their breath.

I think they know, and they just dont care since they can afford not to consume the shit we consume. fuck these people.

>>5
His name was Steve Sadkov for fuck sake!

There are active Ultra-primitivism shills posting this fish thing every day. What is their endgame?
https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/254825426/life-on-land-and-its-consequences-have-been-a