EMERGENCY ALERT: ALL GOOGLE CEREBRAL IMPLANTS HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED BY A MALWARE ATTACK AS OF 1:50 THIS AFTERNOON EASTERN STANDARD TIME. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS THE GOOGLE CEREBRAL IMPLANT, PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND SEEK ASSISTANCE FROM YOUR LOCAL GOOGLE MOD CLINIC FOR VIRUS SCAN AND CLEANING. REMAIN IN YOUR HOMES AND LOCK YOUR DOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE FOR ALL UNMODIFIED CITIZENS. THIS IS NOT A TEST.