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Hello again,
Can you tell when a woman is flirting with you? Are you sure? Today, I've got 6 of my top tips to help you know for sure if she's actually flirting or just being *gasp* nice.
I've created the acronym H.O.T.A.P.E. to help you remember:
H is for Humour.
Yes, they might have great hair and share your passion for ping-pong, but if you have to say 'only joking' after each wry comment, can you imagine doing it for the next 20 years? The more you bounce off each other naturally, the more likely it is that you're flirting.
O is for Open Body Language.
If they're squared up, facing you, with their feet pointed in your direct, it's all looking good. If their feet are angled away, simulating a quick exit, or their arms are folded, forget it.
T is for Touch.
Once you touch, you're definitely flirting. It should be used as an addition to an interaction that is already sizzling. Best stick to a light touch on the arm and then gauge their reaction.
A is for Attention.
Are they paying you more attention than anyone else? This moves us to...
P is for Proximity.
If they're moving in closer, it's a good sign that they are getting ready to flirt.
E is for Eye Contact.
This is the most powerful giveaway. Three or more seconds of eye contact takes you into flirty territory.
So, there you have it; the more H.O.T.A.P.E. signals are being displayed, the greater the likelihood that you are being flirted with. Remember these when you're next having a conversation with someone and see what happens.
How to Stike Up a Conversation with a Woman You’re Interested In
I know, it sounds simple enough, right? But I have been hearing horror stories from many of you, mostly in the 18-22 age group, about the anxiety and fear of rejection (or worse, being laughed at) when you want to talk to that person you've had your eye on.
I remember when I SUCKED at this, and my life wasn’t that fun.
When I was 19 I moved to Chicago (the big city for me) from a small town, and I made a point of going to all the parties I could. But I never knew how to talk people. And so I hung out with the same group of friends, at every party, and I didn’t really meet new people. My social life was stagnant and it felt like a prison.
When learned how to reliably start conversations with strangers, my life changed. I started meeting new people. I started having more fun, and I started being the person that people would invite out to parties because I was now introducing THEM to new people. I became a social connector and people suddenly wanted to be around me.
So here are a few tips you can use to start a conversation with a girl you’re interested in.
#1 – Warm Up
If you want to start a conversation with a girl you’re into, you need to be in a fun, chatty mood.
You can’t do this if you’ve been sitting in a corner over-analyzing things or brooding all evening.
The best advice, is to warm up by starting 4-5 conversations with regular people earlier that day. That will get you in the right mood so you’re friendly, chatty and able to make good conversation if things work well.
Most guys vastly underestimate the power of warming up. By warming up properly – chatting with the people around you as you head out to a social event, or even calling your friends on the phone, you build your natural confidence and conversational ability. It also reduces anxiety significantly.
#2 – What you say doesn’t matter!
Most guys, when they’re asking me for advice for how to start a conversation with a girl, are looking for some secret formula. They want a line that will work 100% of the time.
And you know what? Lines like that don’t exist.
In fact, one thing that I have realized is that what you say is not nearly as important as how you say it.
You may have heard the old claim that 90% of our communication is non verbal.
What that claim *actually* means is that 90% of our *impressions* of a person are based on non-verbal communication – not the words they actually say.
So a guy who says something verbally impressive with bad body language will be seen as unimpressive. (Picture an insecure guy bragging about his Porsche – not impressive!)
But a guy who says something unimpressive, with great body language and presence, will be perceived as impressive. (Picture a guy at a bar joking about how his mom is going to be mad at him for staying out late – he comes across likeable and confident).
So, you can start a conversation with something mundane, something silly, even something embarrassing. What matters most is that you have the right mindset.
On the other hand, if you start a conversation with the wrong mindset then even the “coolest” thing you could say won’t work.
In fact, trying to THINK about what to say is the most sure way to cause yourself to freeze up and to get anxious – and that will hurt your bodylanguage and presence.
So don’t worry about what you say. Be in a good mood, be warmed up, be giving off a positive energy and then the right thing to say will come to you.
#3 – Don’t Try to Start a Conversation by Asking “What’s Up?”
Ok, having said that, there is ONE line that you should definitely not use.
That line is: “What’s up?”
“What’s up?” is just super low-effort conversation.
“What’s up?” really means “Hey, I want to talk to you but I have NOTHING to say. How about YOU start a conversation with ME?”. Or “you’re cute but my brain isn’t working right now.”
TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. I'm a woman, I know. This line makes me want to run for the exit as fast as I can before I get locked into "boring"!
Also, watch out for other lines that are *like* what’s up. Lines like:
How ya doing? Having fun? How’s it going? So, what are you girls up to tonight? Heyyyyyyy…..
Etc. All these lines mean “Hey what’s up?” and they’re lazy.
Here’s the good news though:
If you pay attention, you will notice that 90% of the conversation-starters that average guys use on a day to day basis boil down to “hey, what’s up?”. That means that if you can just think of something a little bit better, you are already standing out.
#4 – Bring a positive energy.
So, if you’re not going to say “hey, what’s up?” what do you say? The first piece of advice is to come to the conversation with a positive energy and with a sincere desire to bring fun to everyone.
If you have that mindset, you’re going to say the right things, you’re going to have the right bodylanguage and just give off the right vibe.
The best conversational starters have that positive energy, and involve you sharing what you are thinking (instead of asking what’s up).
It could be something very simple like “you guys look like you are having an awesome time”, or something more engaging, “Ok, you have to help me settle this – do my friend and I look like brothers?”
The point here is that you don’t need to be a superstar to start a conversation – you just need to do a bit better than “what’s up”.
#5 – Try starting a conversation with a girl by being direct
Another mindset to take is to just share what you are thinking by telling a girl you’re interested in what you thought of her. Usually I advise guys to say something like this:
“Hey, I saw you back there and I like your style, you have this classy vibe going on. Are you (related question)?”
With this line, you can replace “classy vibe” with “creative”, “sporty”, “intellectual”, “badass” or any adjective that sounds like it would fit her style. This opener will hit the best if the word you use reflects what she is trying to communicate to the world.
Another simple but direct line is:
“You’re really cute, I’m Chris”
The key to making this “direct” approach work is having good body language and being confident. She’s going to decide very quickly whether she’s intrigued or not, so delivery is very important.
This is a higher risk opener, and you don’t want to use it at work or in many environments, but it’s a great one, especially if you are at a social event and you notice her checking you out.
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